Out of the Mire

Once, a certain bochur with profound yiras shamayim fell into a deep pit. At the bottom of the pit was a morass from which the boy could hardly extricate himself. As he struggled to get free he tearfully turned to Hashem and said, “Ribono Shel Olam! I know why you have arranged for me to fall into this pit: so that I do a complete teshuvah and change my ways. Well I can guarantee that it will be impossible for me to repent until I am allowed to escape from this predicament. How can I do teshuvah when my mind is so confused and I am preoccupied with my fate? Can I then do teshuvah when I am stuck in this mud? I swear that after I escape from this difficulty I will spend time alone and make a proper cheshbon hanefesh with yishuv hada’as...”
After recounting this story, Rav Sinai of Zhamograd, zt”l, explained, “This is what we mean when we petition Hashem, 'השיבנו ה' אליך ונשובה'—‘Restore us to You, Hashem, and we will return.’ Here we are in bitter exile. How can we do teshuvah which requires da’as, true understanding, of the folly of our ways? 'חדש ימינו כקדם'—‘Renew our days as of old.’ We cannot do teshuvah when we are in such dire straights far from our land, without our holy temple desolate. First Hashem must redeem us from our exile like he took us out of Egypt. When He returns us to His land and rebuilds our holy temple, then we will do proper teshuvah!”

The Avodah of Korbanos

Rabbeinu Yonah, zt”l, explains the way in which the avodah of korbanos relates to us during our lengthy exile. “When they slaughtered the sacrifice, the man who brought it would feel a powerful identification with the offering and would cry tears of pity while praising Hashem and declaring, ‘Master of the world! If not for Your great mercy it would have been me who was slaughtered just like my sacrifice. This would have been fitting since I have transgressed Your commandments. May it be Your will Hashem, my G-d and the G-d of my fathers, that slaughtering this sacrifice should be considered as if I myself had been killed for my sins. For is revealed to You that I would do this to myself to atone for my sins if this was Your will...’
“The penitent would react the same way when the blood was sprinkled, since he would feel as though it were his blood that was sprinkled. And the same was true of all avodos. The kohein was likened to the ministering angels who offer the nefashos of the tzaddikim on the supernal altar.
“Know that when we pray we are like one who brings a sacrifice to Hashem. Our souls are bound to the supernal world of neshamos and the shaliach tzibbur parallels the ministering angels who offer sacrifices to Hashem. Like Chana in her famous prayer, we must pour out our nefesh to Hashem, as the verse states, 'ואשפך את נפשי לפני ה''. She prayed with her entire heart and this was considered by Hashem as if she sacrificed herself to Him.
“This is the meaning of the verse, 'ה' צלך על יד ימינך'—‘Hashem is your shadow upon your right hand.’ Just as a shadow mirrors our actions, so too does Hashem act toward us as we act toward Him. If we cry to Him, He is right there crying alongside us. If we distance ourselves from Him, He distances Himself from us. And when we draw near to Him, He draws close to us.”

The Power of Teshuvah

The Sifsei Tzaddikim, zt”l, explains why a ba’al tesuvah is higher than a tzaddik with a parable. “A certain person discovered a fortune of money in a deserted place in the woods not far from his home. The money was out in the open and he was afraid that someone else would discover it and take it before he had a chance to come back for it. The problem was that he had nothing with which to convey such a large cache of coins to his house.
“After a few minutes of thought he realized that if he took off all of his clothes, he would be able to form a makeshift sack to carry the money. The moment this thought hit him he immediately took off all of his outer clothes and put the money in his improvised satchel. But since it was so heavy he had no choice but to drag it home with great difficulty. As he was almost at his door, a gang of bandits spotted him and snatched his treasure away.
“Imagine the disappointment of this unfortunate wretch. After all his pain and self-sacrifice, he lost the money right on the threshold of his home. He wishes he had never taken the treasure in the first place.
This is how the yetzer hara feels when a person does an עבירה לשמה. It takes much time and effort to trap a person in sin. If the moment the yetzer is about to entrap him it turns out that he does the sin for the sake of heaven, the yetzer wishes he had never tried to entrap this person in the first place.
“This explains why a baal teshuvah stands in a higher place than a tzaddik. He transforms all of his sins to merits and makes the yetzer wish he had never started with him to begin with!”

Complete Teshuvah

Our sages teach that genuine teshvuah is so strong that it can transform sins into merits.
Doing complete and permanent teshuvah is not simple however. In the words of Rabbeinu Yonah: “Even though one has admitted his sin and ceased his negative behavior he should still understand that he may not have done enough. In order to do a true teshuvah he must ascend many levels. Perhaps one day he will fail to attain the level necessary and instead he will begin to slip back into his old behavior. Another problem which must concern him is the possibility that his base nature will overpower him.
“The only way to be sure of victory is for him to increase his yiras shomayim every day. He must also continuously daven to Hashem for aid in doing teshuvah and that He help him to overcome his base nature.
He concluded, “It is due to a hardness of the heart that many people fall into the mistaken belief that they have done enough teshuvah and stop working on themselves. Sadly, in this manner one punishes himself since he falls into pride and is unable to honestly evaluate his level. When a person is no longer careful to work on his character defects, this is a sign that he has fallen to a low level. This person also has lost touch with his obligation to prepare himself for Hashem. He is indolent, so his base nature—always on the look-out for opportunities to cause him to fall—gains the upper hand and defeats him.”

The Place of Baalei Teshuvah

Once Rav Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev, zt”l, met a Jewish sinner in the street. To the man’s surprise, Rav Levi Yitzcak grabbed him and lovingly exclaimed, “Do teshuvah and I will be very jealous of your stature. As is well known, you have sinned greatly. But our sages teach that that one who repents out of love transforms his sins to merits. If you change all your sins to merits you will be way ahead of me!”
When the Sifsei Tzaddikim, zt”l, records this story he adds, “It is possible to apply to this the famous gemara that even absolute tzaddikim cannot stand in the place of baalei teshuvah.”
But the Chofetz Chaim, zt”l, once explained this statement differently. “If a tzaddik gives a sinner moral direction the sinner may well think or even say, ‘Easy for him to tell me to change, since he has never tasted the pleasure of the sin he warns about.’
“However, a baal teshuvah who gives moral direction properly is often much more effective. He can say, ‘My precious fellow Jews! I have sinned plenty in my life and I know what it feels like. Nevertheless, I have seen that all sin leads to absolute emptiness. Living a life of sin merely harms one’s soul while affording no true benefit. On the contrary: being shackled to sinful behavior, like heretical thoughts or illicit desires, brings one to depression and ruins his life. Is it any surprise that I decided to let go of such harmful behavior and do teshuvah? I appeal to you, too, to return to the straight path of righteousness.’
“This is why the gemara tell us that a tzaddik cannot stand in the place of baal teshuvah. This means that he cannot be an example to a sinner to change. But a baal teshuvah has a much better chance of standing up as an example to which even a hardened sinner can relate!”

“Women are Exempt from Tefillin...”

In recent times, the baal teshuvah movement has generated numerous halachic questions that have never been dealt with before. It takes a true Torah giant to delve into the sources, find true parallels, and rule.
One woman, after attending an Arachim seminar in Israel, was inspired to become observant. Her husband was not as interested. Although he was not overtly against religion, he was fairly indifferent. Since he seemed slightly interested in the mitzvah of tefillin, his wife asked him to put on tefillin every day.
He answered, “Tefillin are expensive and I am simply unwilling to spend that much money just for a mitzvah.”
The woman was very conflicted about this. On the one hand, she felt certain that if he only had a pair, he would comply and put them on each day without fail. She really wished to just take the money without his permission and purchase a pair of tefillin. After all, he did have an obligation. On the other hand, it wasn’t as if she was obligated in the mitzvah of tefillin and he had to provide a pair for her. Could she purchase tefillin from his money for him?
When she asked this question of her rabbi he had no idea where to even start finding an answer. But he said, “I am not sure but I will ask this question of Rav Yosef Shalom Eliashiv, shlit”a. I will let you know the moment I get an answer.”
When consulted, Rav Eliashiv immediately ruled, “She definitely may not purchase tefillin for him with his money against his will. First of all, it is regarding tzedakah that the Nodah B’yehudah states that a woman may not take money from her miserly husband to give charity when he doesn’t allow her to do so. Although beis din forces one to give tzedakah, who appointed her to oversee this?
Rav Eliashiv concluded, “Besides, in our times, she can procure tefillin free in a gemach and he can put these on. She has absolutely no right to pay for tefillin without his consent.”