Keeping Your Word

The Chazon Ish, zt”l, was exceedingly careful to always fulfill everything that came out of his mouth. When someone asked if he must keep an agreement when the man had explicitly said 'בלי נדר', the Chazon Ish explained that this stratagem didn’t help much. “Although saying 'בלי נדר' ensures that the statement was not a vow, one is still obligated to fulfill what he agreed to do! Better to say that you hope to do it or the like which is clearly not a commitment.” As is well known, the Chazon Ish tried to form a minyan to daven Minchah Gedolah in his beis midrash. Once there were only nine people and after fifteen minutes’ effort, they located a man willing to serve as the tenth. But he insisted that in order to stay he required a psak halachah that he was permitted. “I invited someone to my house for an appointment in very few minutes. I can either daven and be late, or go and disband the minyan…” The Chazon Ish did not hesitate, “This is no question at all. It is better for you to keep your word even if as a direct result of this there is no minayn today.” And that is exactly what happened. The man hurried home and there was no minyan that day.

Even Eliyahu…

The Satmar Rav, zt”l, teaches a powerful lesson from a surprising statement of our sages. “In Menachos 32 we find that if Eliyahu were to come and say that we may not use a soft shoe to do chalitzah we would not heed him since the custom is to use a soft shoe. This seems very difficult to understand. We would not listen to Eliyahu since our custom of many centuries should not be changed, and it would be wrong for him to come and try to change it. Yet if it should not be changed, why would Eliyahu say that we should change it? Surely he would refrain from telling us to do anything incorrect. So what is the point of this statement? Surely not merely to record a scenario that could never happen? “The answer is that the gemara also knew that Eliyahu would never tell us such a thing. But it also understood that even a gadol hador could err and believe that the custom is in error. Of course the entire Jewish world would likely follow this gadol, even if he is mistaken. It is to avoid such an error that the gemara writes that we would not even believe Eliyahu if he told us to change an old custom that was established by the consensus of gedolei Yisrael. “For this reason the gemara puts it unequivocally that we would believe no one, not even Eliyahu. This way even a gadol hador who errs won’t mislead people who have learned this lesson. If one considers this he will understand much that cannot be written explicitly…”

Only the Truth

Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein, shlit”a, one discussed how exceedingly careful Rav Yaakov Kaminetzky, zt”l, was to always tell the truth. “On Rav Yaakov’s final visit to Eretz Yisrael, his students asked him in what merit he had lived such a long life. He answered, ‘I never allowed a false word to pass my lips.’
“His students explained that by saying the word ‘never’ the rav meant even when he was halachically allowed to lie. For example, when Rav Yaakov was a bochur many young men would use a friend’s dispensation to avoid the draft. This ruse worked very often and saved many, but when this trick was suggested to Rav Yaakov he refused to consider it even though being drafted was literally a question of pikuach nefesh. Rav Yaakov got out of the draft another way, since ‘Hashem has many messengers.’
“Once, his students noticed him going into a silver shop with a beautiful silver cup. When asked why, he explained: ‘I have always been scrupulous to put every bit of revenue on my tax forms so as to pay taxes on everything, thereby fulfilling the halachah, ‘dina d’malchusah dina.’ Now that I am eighty the administrators of the yeshiva decided to give me this cup as a gift. According to my understanding, I must also list this cup on my form. I came in here to find out exactly what the cup is worth.’
Rav Zilberstein concluded, “In this manner a person gains many students even outside the beis midrash, since everyone who hears these stories of Rav Yaakov’s unbending honesty is inspired to be like him!”

The Seal of Hashem is Truth

Once, Rav Simcha Bunim of Peshischa, zt”l, demurred before the , zt”l. “I am nothing,” he stated simply.
“Excellent!” replied the Chozeh.
“No, I don’t mean it as a kind of avodah. I mean that I am really nothing.”
“Well, it is certainly better to feel as though you are nothing from nothing than to feel that you are something from something.”
Suddenly Rav Bunim began to cry out, “Oy! But I am absolutely nothing!”
The Chozeh’s final reply assuaged Rav Bunim. “You may feel like you are nothing but at least you go in the way of Hashem. Our sages teach that the seal of Hashem is truth. If a person thinks that he achieves something on his own, he is living a lie. As our sages say, if Hashem does not help one in his daily struggle with his evil inclination, evil would prevail.”
Rav Simcha Henoch of Alexander, zt”l, explained why Hashem’s seal is specifically truth. “Why not use one of the attributes that are mentioned earlier in the grouping of His thirteen middos, such as רחום or חנון? The answer is that every other attribute can be faked, in which case it is false. A person can show mercy where it is not warranted, or be gracious inappropriately. Usually he will then be cruel when it is proper to show mercy, like our sages tell us about Shaul and Agag.
“The only attribute that cannot be falsified is truth. The reason why is obvious. If one falsifies truth, it is not truth at all!”

White Instead of Black

When Rav Raphael of Barshad, zt”l, first began to search for the ideal way to serve Hashem, he heard that learning the Zohar Hakadosh was a great segulah for attaining fear of heaven. He therefore began learning a great deal of Zohar. After learning through the whole Zohar, he started the Zohar Chadash. Towards the end of the Zohar Chadash, there is a warning against being like Bil’am, who was a complete fool despite his great knowledge of serving Hashem.
Rav Raphael said to himself, “If one can know so much and still be a fool, perhaps I should focus instead on the Shulchan Aruch so that my study will bring me to ma’aseh.”
He started learning the Shulchan Aruch in depth, but when he got to Orach Chaim #231, “All of one’s acts should be for the sake of heaven,” he again felt that something was missing.
“Are all of my actions really l’shem shomayim? Perhaps I should spend more time on mussar?” he wondered. Rav Rafael therefore added study of the Shelah HaKadosh to his schedule.
He was so immersed in the Shelah that he would learn it at every opportunity. He would even take it with him when waking the townsfolk for davening so that he would not waste a single minute. But after a while he again felt as if something was missing. So he traveled to the famous Rav Pinchas of Koretz, zt”l, for advice.
Rav Rafael poured out his heart. “I want to serve Hashem in truth, but everything I have tried has been insufficient!” He was so distressed that he actually fainted.
When he came to, Rav Pinchas said, “If you stay with me, you will come to truth.”
Three years later, Rav Rafael dreamed that he was playing cards. Although his hand started out with black cards, they all turned white in the end. When he shared his dream with Rav Pinchas, he was given a powerful interpretation.
“Your dream is like the gemara in Beitzah 10b, about one who designated black birds and found white ones instead. When you first came to me, you were blackened with worry and chumros, and this prevented you from serving Hashem in truth. But now you are white with virtue and purity!”

Chizuk and Chanukah

[This post is a response to Theresa and Shorty in the comments]
No one is "unworthy," even though we all make mistakes at times. If we keep getting up and doing what we can we will fulfill our spiritual mission in the world.
The main thing is to beg Hashem to light up our life and show us His will. Easier said than done but Rav Nosson writes that even five minutes (or thirty seconds) a day is also very efficacious. As Rebbe Nachman explains the verse: "Hashem is close to all who call to Hashem in truth." Every sincere prayer said with as much truth as a person can muster immediately brings one close to Hashem no matter what level he is on, as implied in the verse.
Feeling unworthy is just an illusion; a tactic of the yetzer to paralyze us and prevent us from finding the way out of spiritual darkness through sincere prayer. Even if we can't say a word, we can surely cry out: "Help me!" Or at least, "Help me." Another gem of Rebbe Nachman is that if we feel distant for whatever reason we should talk out such feelings with Hashem. This often becomes a prayer truly from the heart, the precursor to many more.
We need to learn to ignore discouraging feelings and all negativity which bring on such feelings, until a time when we have a lot of joy and "merit to see the evil of our sins." This means that we finally see our importance, but we realize that such actions are not appropriate for a son or daughter of Hashem. This feeling of importance is the foundation of all divine service, as Rabeinu Yonah writes. One who feels insignificant, is not only denying the truth, he or she feels unable to make a difference and does much less. Why should we allow the negative to disable us? Although such feelings are the result of our sins which obscure the divine, we need not allow such negativity to hold us back. We can always reconnect through heartfelt prayer in truth on whatever level we are on.
As with anything precious, learning how to navigate past the negativity takes time, but every effort is worthwhile in and of itself.
Hashem should help us feel the light of Chanukah and forge a joyous connection to Hashem through prayer during this special time!