Avodas Yom HaKippurim: Fighting Today's Idolatry

Rav Wolbe, zt”l, once discussed the most dangerous idolatry of our generation. “Of all the heresy and idolatry that has reared its head in each generation those facing our generation are the lowest. The main idolatry of our generation is the denial of free will. “Among the nations this mistake is often used to free killers from paying for their crimes. Such people are viewed as sick and if there was any kind of specious psychological pretext for the crime, they are acquitted. Yet this same sickness has also penetrated into our enclaves. Who among us believe that he is not forced to sin due to circumstance? Who thinks that it is possible to live from one Yom Kippur to the next without sinning? It is even hard to find someone who believes that he can go one full day without sin. “We must work hard on Yom Kippur to internalize the belief that it is truly possible to choose live a sin-free life. We must know that the foundation of man is that he has a choice. This is the purpose of creation and, especially in our times we must strengthen our emunah in this iron-clad fact. We must believe that we are capable of overcoming our inclination to do evil, and that we are responsible if we fail to exert every possible effort toward this goal. “There are two levels of free will. Internalizing that every action is a choice which forms our portion in the next world, either spiritual life or spiritual death, chas v’shalom, is the first. The higher level of bechirah is choosing what brings to dveikus as an outgrowth of our love of Hashem and running away from what distances one from Him.”

Today's Idolatry

Rav Wolbe, zt”l, once discussed the most dangerous idolatry of our generation. “Of all the heresy and idolatry that has reared its head in each generation those facing our generation are the lowest. The main idolatry of our generation is the denial of free will.
“Among the nations this mistake is often used to free killers from paying for their crimes. Such people are viewed as sick and if there was any kind of specious psychological pretext for the crime, they are acquitted. Yet this same sickness has also penetrated into our enclaves. Who among us believe that he is not forced to sin due to circumstance? Who thinks that it is possible to live from one Yom Kippur to the next without sinning? It is even hard to find someone who believes that he can go one full day without sin.
“We must work hard on Yom Kippur to internalize the belief that it is truly possible to choose live a sin-free life. We must know that the foundation of man is that he has a choice. This is the purpose of creation and, especially in our times we must strengthen our emunah in this iron-clad fact. We must believe that we are capable of overcoming our inclination to do evil, and that we are responsible if we fail to exert every possible effort toward this goal.
“There are two levels of free will. Internalizing that every action is a choice which forms our portion in the next world, either spiritual life or spiritual death, chas v’shalom, is the first. The higher level of bechirah is choosing what brings to dveikus as an outgrowth of our love of Hashem and running away from what distances one from Him.”

Paining a Child for Chinuch

There are many sources which indicate that at times a light hit is warranted to properly fulfill the mitzvah of chinuch habonim.
But it is important to note the numerous potential pitfalls in fulfilling this complex mitzvah. The Sefer Habris explains that one who hits his child too hard, or pains him for no reason, violates both positive and negative Torah commandments.
In addition, the Shulchan Aruch HaRav rules that one may not strike a child unless he does so to give moral direction. With any other intention—like when striking a stranger’s child—it is forbidden since this is not for the child's benefit.
When Rav Chaim Kanievsky, shlit”a, was asked if one should hit nowadays, he replied, “You certainly must hit, but only at very rare intervals. If a child does a very serious action this is appropriate as the verse states clearly, 'חושך שבטו שונא בנו'—‘One who spares his rod hates his child.’ Yet one may only hit with great discretion and understanding, since one who foolishly hits every day renders this punishment completely ineffectual and pointless.”
Rav Aryeh Carmel, zt”l, once asked his Rebbe, Rav Dessler, zt”l, "Physiologists say that hitting breaks a child’s self-confidence, since his parent acts like his enemy if only for an instant. In addition, surely many people are prone to hit out of anger and not really to help their child?”
Rav Dessler replied to both claims. “As far as hitting in anger, this is absolutely forbidden, so it is not a consideration. A ‘baal middos’ or even someone who follows halachah never hits his child out of anger. As far as breaking a child’s self confidence, perhaps the very minimal amount of erosion as a result of proper hitting is the best thing for the child, since his feeling of absolute confidence is actually negative. If he feels that he knows best, how will he receive from his parents or teachers? In addition, too much self-assurance is one of the main reasons people reject Torah.
He concluded, “We must also consider that our desire to avoid hitting a child in any circumstance as a result of our great love for him may be a violation of 'חושך שבטו שונא בנו'. Perhaps our desire that the child have an overinflated self-confidence is the opposite of what is truly best for the child!”
But Rav Wolbe, zt"l, held that potching a child is virtually never advisable. "Although the verse states,'חושך שבטו שונא בנו'—‘One who spares his rod hates his child,’ this need not be taken literally.After all, what a parent says or even a sharp look can sometimes sting like a blow and is sufficient for one who educates properly."

Staying Married

Our sages teach that a shotah, halachic imbecile, cannot be divorced from her husband because she keeps on returning to him. The Chidushei HaRim, zt”l, learned a powerful lesson from this principle. Just as the shotah cannot be divorced, so too does one remain “married” to spirituality as long as he “keeps coming back” by acting as a ben aliyah would despite his shortcomings. One is only divorced from spirituality when one gives up on spiritual ascent because of his flaws.
A young bochur once came to Rav Wolbe, zt”l, feeling very confused and frustrated. He said, “I don’t know what to do with myself! Sometimes I feel very drawn to spiritual matters like learning with a fire and davening. At other times I act in ways not befitting a ben Torah. What is my avodah worth if I keep falling into the same spiritual morasses?”
The Mashgiach replied, “Your feelings are the result of a simple fact: as long as one is young, one finds in himself various contradictions. On the one hand, you may be very drawn to spiritual matters. You have a taste in davening and can literally pour out yout heart to Hashem. You may feel an incredibly intrinsic identification with the Torah that you learn. On the other hand, you also might enjoy joking around and making fun of things with friends.
The Mashgiach continued, “So what should you do? Just because you enjoy joking around and sometimes even wander into the realm of leitzanus, is that an excuse not to daven with kavanah? Surely this path only leads to complete estrangement from spiritual growth! Quite the contrary—since you notice this flaw in yourself and this bothers you, this should be a reason to exert yourself all the more to daven with a geshmack and seek spiritual growth in any way you can! In time you will be drawn more and more after spiritual elevation until you outgrow your spiritual immaturity altogether.”
The Mashgiach concluded, “Until then you must learn to bear the unflattering assessment of your peers and even consent to be the brunt of their jokes. If you persevere, however, you will overcome your weaknesses and flourish!”