A Corruption of Judgment

The author of the Sefer HaChinuch explains that reasoning behind the mitzvos which ensure we do not cheat should be obvious to any thinking person. “The root of not cheating another in business is self-evident; every person understands this from his intellect. Even if this halachah had not been recorded, everyone would understand that it is fitting to write it. It is obvious that it is improper to use deceit to deprive our fellow human beings of their property. Everyone must earn money by working with whatever skills and opportunities Hashem sends his way—honestly and with integrity. He continues, “Everyone benefits if people don’t cheat. Just as one can cheats, he can also be cheated. Although a certain person may be exceptionally adept at deception, it is still not worthwhile to engage in the practice. He may be a skilled swindler but perhaps his children will be less skilled and will be robbed. Clearly this mitzvah is for the public good and is essential for the maintenance of civilized society. Hashem, blessed is He, created the world so that it would be a settled and civilized place.” The Panim Yafos, zt”l, offers food for thought for the person who does cheat others. “The verse states, 'לא תעשו עול במשפט'—‘Do not do corruption in judgment.’ This prohibition is also directed at the person who falsifies his weights and measures. Every person who weighs or measures merchandise is like a judge, since he must fairly calibrate how much he dispenses to his customers. Failing to give the exact amount even by a slightly is also a corruption of judgment.”

The Power of the Shabbos Table

Our sages teach two important halahchos regarding the shulchan. Firstly, the shulchan may only be inaugurated on Shabbos. In addition, the showbreads are also only sanctified if they are placed on the shulchan on Shabbos. Rav Shmuel Aharon Lider, shlit”a, learns a beautiful lesson from this. “We see from this that Shabbos is the time for us to sanctify and educate our children at the table. The best way to be mechanech and sanctify our children is through the zemiros that we sing and the divrei Torah that we say at the Shabbos table.” Rav Shach, zt”l, had a neighbor—a simple baal habayis who was not too learned—whose sons grew to all be exceptional masmidim and great talmidei chachamim. Rav Shach himself lived and breathed Torah all the time, yet his neighbor’s children appeared to surpass his own in certain ways as far as Torah study was concerned. Rav Shach himself commented on what seemed to him at the root of the distinction. “My neighbor spent a long time at the Shabbos table interacting with his children and singing zemiros. I, on the other hand, was always very engrossed in working through a difficult Rambam or some other intricate Torah argument. One should never underestimate the power of filling the children with a spirit of holiness through the simple singing of zemiros and speaking divrei Torah at their own level at the Shabbos table!”

“According to His Path”

The Alter of Kelm, zt”l, gave a very decisive lesson about how we should comport ourselves at all times. “'חנוך לנער על פי דרכו...'. From this verse we see that each youth must be educated in the right path for him. We can understand from this that every person must vigilantly educate himself to act as is fitting in each situation.
“For example, we certainly must speak with restraint and are better off not speaking in front of one who is older and has more experience as we find in Avos. But that does not apply to those who scoff the Torah and its values. Regarding such people we must certainly speak if we can do so with understanding, enabling others to see how false their opinions are.
“As we find in Meseches Derech Eretz, one must not be sad where people are joyous or overtly happy when people are sad. We must learn to speak with talmidei chachomim as is fitting and with the ignorant in a different manner. To those who are truly wise and will appreciate it, we should give moral direction to help them improve. We must refrain from giving the ignorant rebuke since this will not help. On the contrary, they will resent such intrusion and react angrily.
“The same is true in every regard. Sometimes one action is appropriate and other times we must act in the exact opposite manner. We must learn how to deal with the challenges of every encounter. Sometimes the best path is to pretend to fall asleep. Sometimes, we must act with decisiveness. In other situations it is better to be deliberate. The main thing is to learn how to act in each situation and educate ourselves slowly but surely to improve.”

The Rama, zt”l, provides a wondrous explanation of the placement--and the avodah--of the laver. “The Tzror Hamor, zt”l, teaches that a person must wash away all spiritual filth, as we find in Yeshayah, 'רחצו הזכו'. It is for this reason that Hashem commanded us to make the laver and place water in it. Anyone who wishes to come close to Hashem and enter the environs of the Shechinah must first remove the foreign ideologies that defile both his body and his soul. Based on this, we can understand why the kior was fashioned from mirrors. Washing ourselves represents the self-examination that is the prerequisite of true internal change. This is also why we find that the kior was positioned a bit south of the altar. The southern side where the menorah stood alludes to wisdom, as we find in Bava Basra. Purifying one’s mind and attitude requires wisdom.”
Negative attitudes and false perspectives are easily overlooked. We must check our reflection carefully: Do things we say, although they are well meant, sometimes have a subtle tone of kefirah or leitzanus to them? When we have a question, are we sure to phrase it in a way that does not betray a lack of respect for the sages?
A certain person once asked the Alter of Kelm, zt”l, a very penetrating question. Based on his understanding there was a clear contradiction in the sources that could not be reconciled. Although the Alter often fielded such difficult questions, he felt that the way the question was phrased revealed a kernel of apikorsus in the questioner’s heart. He immediately called out this young but brilliant student on his false beliefs and expelled him from the Talmud Torah when he would not recant.
Years later this very same student—now a famous gadol—always related with the greatest respect to the Alter. It was clear that he had no claim against the harsh treatment he had received. On the contrary, he understood that the Alter had been correct and changed himself for the better.

An Obvious Blemish

Rav Dovid of Skver, zt”l, explained how to ensure that one’s children grow up pure. “The main thing in chinuch is the quality of outside influences on one's children, especially their friends. This is what my father zt”l, would emphasize: only if there is a genuine 'סור מרע' can there be continuity to the children’s 'עשה טוב'. The way we fulfill 'סור מרע' with children is to protect them from bad friends, because they have a huge influence, especially while one is still young and easily swayed.
“My father even recounted that one of the great tzaddikim of his generation worked very hard to educate his children to yiras shomayim but was only partially successful since he was not discriminating about his children’s friends.”
The Rama, zt”l, learned a similar lesson from a halacha regarding halachic leprosy. “Our sages teach a paradoxical-seeming halachah. Although if one contracted צרעת that is larger than the size of a גריס he is defiled, if the צרעת spreads over his entire head or body, the leprosy no longer defiles and does not require quarantine.
“This halachah teaches us a very essential lesson about impurity. It is only when the impurity is not readily obvious that the impure can have an influence on the unwary or naïve. When the person only seems to be slightly blemished, one is prone to learn from his negative actions, rationalizing that he must not be so bad. But if his impurity is readily apparent, everyone knows that he is wicked and acts out of wickedness. Since no one will copy his evil ways there is no longer any reason to quarantine him!”

An Unformed Opinion

In 1951, a certain talmid chacham was asked to give a shiur Torah in a yeshiva geared toward less-committed students in Pardes Chanah. He did so for two days before he was beset with doubts. He had noticed one of the students seemed absorbed in something under his desk. After three warnings the maggid shiur approached the student’s desk and saw that he had a copy of the writings of Bialik under his desk. The teacher took the book and tossed it outside the classroom. The student got very upset by this and shouted, “Are we in a yeshiva which learns exclusively Torah? Today we have a test on Bialik and I must study. Since I am also required to be in this class, I obviously need to study during class. After all, why is Bialik less important than gemara?”
The more outspoken students agreed with the disgruntled student and the teacher felt that perhaps teaching in such a yeshiva was not for him. But of course such a decision was a very serious step to take. The maggid shiur packed his things and travelled to the Chazon Ish, zt”l, to ask for guidance.
When he met the Chazon Ish, he told him what had transpired.
“So what is your question?” asked the Chazon Ish.
“Do we not find that one should not teach a student who is unfit?”
“How old are your students?” asked the Chazon Ish.
“Between fourteen and fifteen,” was the answer.
“In such young student the term תלמיד שאינו הגון does not apply since they have not yet developed mature opinions. You can mold the future person and convince him of the error of his ways.”
The maggid shiur asked, “From what point is a young adult considered a תלמיד שאינו הגון, then?”
“From seventeen to eighteen is when they are more fixed in the way they see things and it is harder to convince them,” the gadol answered.
“I came here with a fully packed bag to ask whether I should go home to Yerushalayim or back to my position in Pardes Chanah.”
The Chazon Ish stated firmly, “Definitely go back. If you cannot succeed with all of them, you will convince half!”
Later on the maggid shiur calculated that he had indeed convinced exactly half of his students to join a full time yeshiva for yeshiva gedolah!

Paining a Child for Chinuch

There are many sources which indicate that at times a light hit is warranted to properly fulfill the mitzvah of chinuch habonim.
But it is important to note the numerous potential pitfalls in fulfilling this complex mitzvah. The Sefer Habris explains that one who hits his child too hard, or pains him for no reason, violates both positive and negative Torah commandments.
In addition, the Shulchan Aruch HaRav rules that one may not strike a child unless he does so to give moral direction. With any other intention—like when striking a stranger’s child—it is forbidden since this is not for the child's benefit.
When Rav Chaim Kanievsky, shlit”a, was asked if one should hit nowadays, he replied, “You certainly must hit, but only at very rare intervals. If a child does a very serious action this is appropriate as the verse states clearly, 'חושך שבטו שונא בנו'—‘One who spares his rod hates his child.’ Yet one may only hit with great discretion and understanding, since one who foolishly hits every day renders this punishment completely ineffectual and pointless.”
Rav Aryeh Carmel, zt”l, once asked his Rebbe, Rav Dessler, zt”l, "Physiologists say that hitting breaks a child’s self-confidence, since his parent acts like his enemy if only for an instant. In addition, surely many people are prone to hit out of anger and not really to help their child?”
Rav Dessler replied to both claims. “As far as hitting in anger, this is absolutely forbidden, so it is not a consideration. A ‘baal middos’ or even someone who follows halachah never hits his child out of anger. As far as breaking a child’s self confidence, perhaps the very minimal amount of erosion as a result of proper hitting is the best thing for the child, since his feeling of absolute confidence is actually negative. If he feels that he knows best, how will he receive from his parents or teachers? In addition, too much self-assurance is one of the main reasons people reject Torah.
He concluded, “We must also consider that our desire to avoid hitting a child in any circumstance as a result of our great love for him may be a violation of 'חושך שבטו שונא בנו'. Perhaps our desire that the child have an overinflated self-confidence is the opposite of what is truly best for the child!”
But Rav Wolbe, zt"l, held that potching a child is virtually never advisable. "Although the verse states,'חושך שבטו שונא בנו'—‘One who spares his rod hates his child,’ this need not be taken literally.After all, what a parent says or even a sharp look can sometimes sting like a blow and is sufficient for one who educates properly."

The Needs of Orphans

Rav Bentzion Yadler, zt”l, founded the pioneering Beis Yaakov HaYashan in Yerushalayim. Although today it is a well established school with hundreds of students, when he was first starting out, he had few students and money was very tight. Understandably, he went to any address he could to procure much needed funds for his fledgling institution, but even with all of his efforts, he only managed to eke out the minimum expenses to prevent the school from closing.
When Rav Yadler approached Rav Yitzchak Yerucham Diskin, zt”l, the head of the well established Diskin Orphanage, he was astounded to receive not only encouragement, but a large donation from the coffers of the orphanage.
Rav Yadler could not stop himself from blurting out, “It is true that every penny makes a big difference, but how can I possibly accept this generous donation? Do our sages not teach that one may not take money from orphans even for mitzvos?”
Rav Diskin immediately reassured Rav Yadler. “This donation is for the orphans, since if there are no suitable schools for girls, how will I find then brides with yiras shamayim?”
Rav Diskin then told a story about his father, Rav Yehoshua Leib Diskin, zt”l. “My father would take this much further. It was his practice to hire avreichim to go from apartment to apartment checking people’s mezuzos. When I asked him how he justified this he explained that regarding mezuzah the verse states, 'למען ירבו ימיכם וימי בניכם'. Since good mezuzos lengthens the life spans of parents, making sure mezuzos are valid is an excellent way to ensure that there are less orphans and therefore more money for each individual orphan!”

Sensitivity to Another

The Alter of Slobodka, zt”l, was well known to be a mechanech par excellence. He always noticed what others did and would issue moral direction in exactly the right manner to help the student. His incredible success attests to his acumen. So many prominent rabbis and poskim emerged from Slobodka, that the Chofetz Chaim, zt”l, remarked that he was jealous of the Alter. When the surprised hearers asked why, the Chofetz Chaim replied, “I write seforim but he makes mentschen!”
One time the Alter was walking behind a bochur in the street when he noticed the young man go to the side of the sidewalk, stoop to the ground, and pick up a paper. After he gazed at the paper for no more than an instant he replaced it on the ground.
The Alter approached and requested that he explain his strange behavior.
“I noticed that the paper was printed in Hebrew and I figured it was sheimos from a holy sefer and required genizah. But it only took a moment to realize that the paper was not sheimos at all—far from it—and I put it back on the side. After all, it is very much to the side and no one will be damaged by it.”
The Alter looked at him gravely and gently said, “Tell me, what is the halachah for someone who causes his friend to fall to the ground?”
“He is responsible for all damage incurred to the person,” the young man replied.
“How did you fail to realize that another person may very well walk by and also mistakenly think this page is sheimos and bend over for nothing to lift up this paper? By throwing it back down—despite the fact that no one will physically trip over it—you have fashioned a bor b’reshus harabim. This is a stumbling block for your friend since what difference does it make if the bor makes a person fall to the ground or bend over for naught? The moment you picked up the paper and noticed that it was not sheimos, you should have kept it to throw in the garbage to save another some trouble!”