Turning an Opponent

Rav Mordechai Shraga of Ossatin, zt”l, the ben zekunim of the illustrious Rav Yisrael of Ruzhin, zt”l, became rebbe at the tender age of twenty. His father had left the world four years before he was invited to come to Ossatin and did so, establishing a beis midrash with numerous chassidim. A certain older man in the town objected vociferously to the young rebbe’s appointment and made this known to his supporters as often as he could.
Once, when Rav Mordechai Shraga was passing on the road, he noticed this man arguing with one of his chassidim about his own suitability as a leader. Since the rebbe had not heard their discussion he called the chassid aside later and asked him to tell what they were arguing about. The chassid was afraid to divulge the subject since he did not want to insult his own rebbe, but when Rav Mordechai Shraga promised him that he would not take offense the chassid repeated the entire conversation.
To the chassid’s surprise, the very next day the rebbe made a very optimistic declaration about his implacable enemy. “His objections are surely diminished.” The next day the rebbe said that his opponent had relented even more and the following day the rebbe indicated that his attitude had improved yet again. This continued until the rebbe declared that this man felt no opposition to him whatever.
This chassid was astounded at what appeared to him to be an open miracle but the rebbe denied that there was anything supernatural about it. “The verse states, 'כמים פנים אל פנים'—‘Like faces are reflected in water.’ I realized that he hated me so much only because he had never met me. He could only maintain such hatred if he did not see me and feel that I really had nothing against him at all. When he saw me the first day and discerned that I had no complaint about him this calmed him a little. The next day I showed him that I felt a great deal of love for him and this assuaged him even more. Every day I made sure to meet him and focus on my love for him until he entirely abandoned his prior opposition!”

The Eishes Chayil

The Tchebiner Rav, zt”l, recounted that when Rav Yizchok of Vorke, zt”l, passed away, some of his chassidim became followers of his son, Rav Yaakov Dovid of Amshinov, zt”l. But most of the chassidim decided to follow Rav Mendeleh of Vorke, zt”l, since he was more down-to-earth and was more involved with the common folk.
But on the day when Rav Mendeleh became rebbe he changed drastically. “Our sages teach that Ohn Ben Peles’ wife saved him from Korach. She did this by frankly saying, ‘What difference does this dispute make to you? No matter who becomes rav, you will still remain the student.’ Although the gemara attributes great chochmah to his wife, we may certainly ask what wisdom was necessary to make such a simple point?
“The answer is that Korach claimed that the entire nation is holy and that there should be no leader at all. But she was intelligent enough to see through this ruse since she understood that there would always be someone people must nullify themselves to and receive from.”
From that day, Rav Mendeleh changed his ways, speaking very little even to those who were close to him.
Rav Yehudah Rabinowitz, zt”l, a student of the Tchebiner Rav, compared Ohn’s wife to the wife of Korach. “Ohn’s wife saved him by uncovering her hair when Korach arrived. Korach’s wife, by contrast, talked him into making a machlokes in the first place. It is possible that some allow the hair of a woman to remain uncovered on her wedding day to symbolize that she should be like Ohn’s wife and steer her husband away from machlokes. We can also explain a similarly why we send the new chosson a tallis. This symbolizes to him that he should never allow himself to be drawn into a machlokes like Korach who foolishly listened to his wife. He should never be like Korach who made an argument by claiming that a tallis that is all techeiles is not obligated in tzitzis.”

For Heaven’s Sake!

Rav Yisrael Salanter, zt”l, would warn his beloved students, “At the very least, don’t make yourselves out to be acting l’shem shomayim!”
He would explain, “A person who turns a blind spot to his natural ulterior motives and thinks he acts only for the sake of heaven is a terrible hazard to himself and others. If things do not go according to his plan, he naturally feels angry. After all, he is certain that his every movement is one hundred percent for the sake of heaven, so why isn’t Hashem allowing his altruistic plans to come to fruition? It is equally obvious to this person that anyone who is an impediment to his plans for whatever reason is in the wrong and may be crushed or pushed aside in any form he can get away with!”
Rav Yisrael would use this principle to explain the Mishnah in Avos in his uniquely pithy manner. “The sages taught, ‘Any conflict that is l’shem shomayim—סופה להתקיים—it is destined to exist in perpetuity.’—Talk about a thing that is sure to last forever!”
He explained this will a very direct parable. “Let’s say two competing shopkeepers are in a fight. Each one blames the other for stealing his customers. Even if they fight the whole year round, when erev Yom Kippur comes, they will surely regret their petty squabble and wish to make up. It is more than likely that one merchant will enter his friend’s shop and say something like, ‘Listen, Reb Chaim. Today is erev Yom Kippur. Let’s drink a l’chaim and forgive each other!’
“But if they fight ‘l’shem shomayim,’ will they make up erev Yom Kippur? Absolutely not! On the contrary, on erev Yom Kippur each will feel that he has the license to pursue his friend mercilessly. After all, each one already knows that he is completely l’shem shomayim. Keeping up the fight with his friend is nothing less than a mitzvah!”