The Right Shidduch

The Ramban, zt”l, writes that if a child abandons the Torah path this generally indicates deep flaws on the part of the parents.

A yeshiva bochur once came to Rav Shach, zt”l, deeply perplexed about a possible shidduch that had been brought to his attention. The girl seemed perfect in every way and was seeking someone who wanted to remain in learning. The only negative thing he had heard about her was that she was purported to be not very intelligent. This worried him, because he feared that if he married a woman lacking a sharp mind they would be less likely to have intelligent children.

Rav Shach explained that raising successful children depends on one thing only—how much yir’as shomayim the parents have.

“How can you know how much yir’as shomayim a person has? If his every move is calculated to bring pleasure to Hashem and if he is very careful about other people’s money, you know that he fears G-d. Another way you can see yir’as shomayim in the home is when the parents are always willing to give in to one another, and when there is always an atmosphere of joy in the house surrounding mitzvos. Similarly, one should be able to see how a person is upset if he falls spiritually.”

“The main trait to look for in a wife is that she recoils from sin like from fire. And that she loves her fellow Jews and does chessed and has good middos, and most especially, that she is not materialistic. This is how you will merit to have children who grow up to be great scholars and tzaddikim with profound yir’as shomayim. The intellectual abilities of the parents are actually irrelevant to the development of the children’s potential. The only thing of real significance is yir’as shomayim!”