A New Man

“The individual’s obligation to bring a korban Pesach can be deferred until Pesach sheini, but not the community’s.” Rav Tzaddok HaKohen zt”l explains that a personal flaw caused the individual to miss bringing the korban in its time, and it is only an intensely personal teshuvah that will make him worthy once again of bringing it. This is why Moshe Rabbeinu could not answer the painful question of that first group to miss the offering: “Why should we be deprived of the opportunity to offer Hashem’s sacrifice?” Because their question is the quintessential cry of the baal teshuvah, and only Hashem Himself can answer it. What have we done wrong to deserve becoming tamei l’meis and losing the ability to bring the korban, and how can we possibly correct it? According to the letter of the law, there should not be another opportunity, but the broken-hearted plea to rejoin the holy Jewish people is itself teshuvah. The individual becomes a new man, one who is indeed worthy of bringing the korban.
Dr. Gordon zt”l, a close contemporary of the Maggid of Mezritch and a famous baal teshuvah, once came to the Maggid for advice. He found that thoughts about his former sinful life would sometimes return to haunt him, and he wanted to know how to be free of them. The Maggid offered a parable:
“A Jew once owned a tavern, and the peasants used to come around and drink—they would even show up quite late at night, disturbing the poor man’s rest. After some time, the Jew decided to leave that business and took up selling lumber. He was very successful and led a wonderful life…except for one small problem. The locals continued to come around to his home in the middle of the night, demanding their drink! The Jew persevered; each time it happened, he would patiently tell them that he had left the business, and eventually they learned that they had no reason to keep on pestering him.”
“You, my friend, must do the same thing. Every time these disturbing thoughts come to knock on the walls of your heart, you have to repeat over and over again: I am not the same anymore—I am a new man, and I have nothing to do with such thoughts! Eventually, they will stop coming around.”